It is, I suppose, possible that she has both and just doesn't want to talk about them, but we live together and I've never seen her do anything except work for university or hang out with me, and I've never heard her talk to anyone on the phone except her own mother.
When we have time off of university, she clings to me 24/7, and gets upset whenever I want to pursue my own hobbies (I write novels and essays, read books, am an amateur programmer and graphics designer, and like to learn languages).
I wanted to run and never come back.’Today, Hayley is a full-time social media co-ordinator and blogger and lives with her husband, Jon, 43, a stay-at-home dad, and their three young sons.
But while she dotes on her family, Hayley’s self-esteem remains at rock bottom.
I've started to feel recently that I'm not accomplishing anything that's important or enjoyable to me anymore, because I need to spend every spare moment with her to keep her from feeling neglected.
I've tried to find her things she enjoys, I've tried to get her interested in painting and writing and reading and crafting and anything else she shows mild interest in, but all she's ever done is uni work, or watch TV, which she doesn't really like.
Do they seem them as either weird/creepy/or socially inept?
Or maybe guys who are loners just tend to lack the social skills to be good at dating to start with, maybe that's more it. Girls can be super-shy and be approached all the time and still have a boyfriend. I am one because women are too catty for me, hate always having to keep my guard up around them.
We’re starting to realise that we can’t have it all, and that marriage and babies isn’t for everyone, but when are we going to accept that female friendship isn’t the cornerstone of every woman’s life?
In Hollywood terms, I’m still only the kooky (ugh) sidekick – the leading lady has to meet the man of her dreams and settle down before the final credits roll or the universe will collapse in on itself, but at least I’m allowed to exist.
But there’s a condition to my singleness – I’m allowed to have no man, as long as we have an assortment of (equally kooky – argh I’m putting a moratorium out on that word) friends to commiserate with.
We only started fetishising female friendship (beyond high school) in the last couple of decades (Bridget Jones, Sex and the City, I’m talking to you). For one thing, plenty of women simply don’t have the time – one of the most unrealistic elements of Sex and the City (more unrealistic than Carrie’s beautiful apartment and ridonkulous wardrobe on a writer’s salary) was the idea that four friends with busy careers, relationships, and later children, still found the time to meet up several times a week and talk on the phone several times a day.
It’s not a huge surprise - single person households are growing at a rate of 166,000 a year, and look set to be the biggest type of household by 2031, so it makes sense that some of us are substituting a traditional family model with friendships – I do, and I’m very happy. What began as a tentative alternative to marriage and 2.4 kids has become a norm that few women can realistically hope to achieve. Some women find it easier to form friendships with men, and for some women, making friends, or negotiating the tricky relationship politics between women just isn’t that easy.